someone: haha you just want to know when you’re off the hook
me: hah
me: (actually i just need to allocate the right expectations and backlog of energy and make sure the rest of my day falls in good accordance with it so that i don’t feel time-crunched and propel myself into a hysteria because if i don’t know how long this thing lasts or when it ends i can’t possibly know when literally anything else starts and my entire life becomes an unraveled realm of anarchy with no rhyme or reason and how is that not terrifying to you)
me: hey how long will this take
someone: oh like twenty minutes
me: ok
*an hour later*
me: *clinging to every learned social skill i can think of with the desperate hope my distress and exhaustion doesn’t show*
someone: hey we’re almost done don’t be so crabby
me: *smiling* *internally screaming at this SENSELESS CHAOS*
someone: hey do you want to do [involving time-consuming thing]
me: hey that sounds fun! when were you thinking?
someone: oh we’re doing it right now
me: oh. like. now-now? like right now. like you want me to stop what i’m doing and get up and do this thing with you, suddenly, with thirty seconds of warning. now. like this second. immediately. now?
In case anyone’s wondering is because getting an x ray once is so barely harmful that it rounds to zero but standing in front of an x ray emitter 40 hours a week for years will definitely kill you
If I go to the bar and have one drink with the bartender I’ll be fine. If the bartender has a drink with every patron then they will die
Once
a boy looked very sadly at me after a little bit of conversation.
‘you’re so smart’ he said, ‘I feel like I couldn’t keep up’. And then he
did that sad boy face where you’re supposed to agree to tone yourself
down. So I said ‘probably’ and fucked his mate.
some top advice from a slut, here, 90% of the time when some boy looks sad and tells you you’re too ‘x’ to keep up with it’s a ploy to get you to cut bits off yourself so you can come down to his mediocre level; instead, agree with him and fuck his mate
I am a slut Wen on a dayte With Boye who would Manipulate I’m not sway’d by His saddened state- I say okay I fuck his mayte
Well, since I’ve seen many people being upset about the sudden deactivation of CrashBoomBanger’s blog and the relusting loss of all their audios, I decided to share my folder with you! It’s been a long search that began in January (when I love an artist I have this urge to save all their files…*cough cough*) and I’m sure there are still some UT recordings I’m missing….If you happen to have some which are not present in this folder please don’t hesitate to contact me!
My current theory is that skeletons glow their eyes when they’re really upset or stressed out or scared as opposed to it being connected to any kind of magical attack. Sort of like a cat purring when it’s in pain. I like to think it gives off a soft ambient comforting aura as well, so skellies could glow their eyes at each other to show support and calm each other down (only works on monsters though – humans can never know the joy of expressing emotions with magic).
I approve of this headcanon. Does this mean that skeletons would glow their eyes when they’re content, too? I’m picturing Sans having a downer day, and half the room bathed in orange light from Papyrus pouring everything he’s got into enthusiastic eye glowing. FEEL BETTER BROTHER I SHALL BECOME THE LIGHTBULB OF COMFORT FOR YOU
So I’m on PornHub getting wet over Ryan Madison vids, as you do. I come across one where he’s up to his usual shit, but according to over 230 likes in the comments, this one somehow stands heads and shoulders above the rest. Why?
Because this time, the chick “reaaaallly seems into it!” “Great chemistry!” “I think she really wanted him to cum in her!”
I re-watch, thinking I’d missed something, but nope. This chick remained one of the worst fakers, and these poor bastards didn’t know the difference.
I’m here to put you niggas on.
How to Tell a Woman is Faking: General Rules of Thumb
1.) Loud, Staccato Noises
This chick’s (and so many others’) tell was a litany of loud moans that all sounded the same in tone, pitch and volume. To the untrained (i.e. typical male) ear, the volume and consistency suggested intensity, when in reality it was just bad acting.
Her entire focus was on MAKING NOISE bc there was no PHYSICAL pleasure to preoccupy her. A woman headed for a real nut does not have the mental capacity to make sure she sounds “good”
A pleasured woman releases (notice I didn’t say “makes” as that suggests manufacture) a varied series of sounds – grunts, groans, sighs, coos, whimpers, screams and swears – all at different intensities, pitch and volume. The sounds are unchecked bc she’s too preoccupied with cumming to give a damn.
And let me tell you, if a woman’s cumming hard, she can sound every bit as guttural as a man. If all you’re ever getting is gentle, Princess Peach sighs, you’re stroke is likely lacking.
*If she sounds like she’s giving birth, you’re doing it right.*
Note: A lot of ladies make little or no noise at all, and that’s fine. She will still give you physical cues. If she starts grabbing at your hair, shoulders, ass or arms, she’s into it. Rubbing her clit is a good sign too. (Watch how she rubs it, then pull out and replicate her movements with the tip of your dick. Thank me later.) Means it feels good and she’s trying to make it feel even better.
2.) Limp Feet
If she’s not a.)driving her heels into the mattress (or into your back), b.) flexing her feet, or c.) curling her toes, odds she came are SLIM to NONE. If you are a girl who can cum hard without getting your feet involuntarily involved, please let me know bc you are a rare and beautiful bird.
3.) Talking Shit
Dirty talk is great in the beginning, but if she’s doing it non-stop, she’s probably nowhere near cumming. She should’ve at least paused at the moment of climax. When it’s on, I can’t even remember my own fucking name, much less encourage you to fill my dirty fuckhole with your hot man mustard. If you’ve done your job right, your girl should barely be coherent, much less conversational.
4.) Excessive Smiling or Giggling
Same idea as above. Getting fucked to within an inch or your life is no laughing matter. If you’re really about to make me cum hard, my only concerns are grabbing onto something and trying to survive. I ain’t got no time to be flirty or cute with you.
5.) Blank or Unchanging Facial Expression
One of the last vids I watched was of a flawless black goddess clearly enjoying every stroke she was getting. Her noises were genuine and sexy, a natural expression of the pleasure she was feeling. Her expression looked a bit like she was going to cry.
Some dumbass comments, “Boy, she makes it look like it hurts.”
I’m not mad at dumbass. Just disappointed at how grossly mislead some of you guys are.
Understand, good dick humbles us. It makes us want to be better people. Makes us appreciate life, love and God’s beautiful creation. It makes us want to water our plants more consistently, suck our man’s dick better, adopt a puppy. And when we feel this way, we sometimes look like we want to cry a little because maybe sometimes we do. A lil.
An authentic female orgasm face can also include:
a.) look of actual outrage at how good the dick is,
b.) look of tender awe like we’re seeing Jesus at the Transfiguration bc your dick has saved our soul
c.) look of mild disgust with ourselves bc we know we’ll now put up with anything to keep getting such quality dick
That’s about it. I know some fellas are savvy enough to have put all this together already, but I’m shocked and saddened at the number of men are totally fooled.
Please support your pornstars. They are earning a living, and it’s not their fault the sex is garbage. Like a lot of girls irl, they just wanna to make you cum, even if they can’t:(
Please take these cues to heart. If you spot your chick faking, do better.
TL;DR Too loud, monotone, smiley and consistently so – she’s faking. Looks and sounds slightly mournful, exhibits little control of body and voice, she’s cumming.
Woah, I did not expect such a deep analysis! Most interesting read, will review many times.
Y’ALL THIS IS FUCKING IMPORTANT.
READ IT. WORSHIP IT. REMEMBER THESE SIGNS.
Is it sad I just learned how to fake having good sex?
Whelp! Here’s to still hoping my first will be good!
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